Loneliness is a Crowded Room
by percychased
Summary: There's beauty in sadness, you just have to look at the right angle. ;:Lavender/Parvati:;


"We can't do this anymore."

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she wanted to bite them back. Isn't this what she wanted in the first place? Waking up every morning next to her, seeing her face, hearing her laugh...

Lavender never believed in fairy tales. Not at all. There wasn't an easy way out of things, and a solution was never always simple. Things happened for a reason, but she didn't think there was a such thing as a predetermined fate. She chose her own way, and she wasn't going to blame the whole entire universe for her problems.

She concentrated on the tips of her runners, stained with pen signings and mud stains smattering the faded red. It was quieter than she would have liked, and Lavender could almost _feel _the gears in Parvati's head turning, analyzing, processing.

"No," replied Parvati, and Lavender bit her own lip, almost drawing blood, when she heard Parvati's clipped response. "We _need _each other."

Lavender could just surrender right here - say yes, I was wrong, you're right, let's do something now, and they'd both settle into the same warring routine. _Where was Gryffindor courage when you needed it? _

"This isn't healthy," said Lavender, and shocked herself by her own tone of voice - she meant to sound strong, but she was barely able to form the words together; they were weak and nearly inaudible.

"What isn't healthy?" snapped Parvati in the same clipped tone as before, leaning against the door frame.

Lavender pinched herself mentally, and shut her eyes in deep concentration, willing herself to not fling herself in Parvati's arms and apologize.

_It will hurt, but it will be better. _

"This," said Lavender weakly, gesturing between the two of them, and started to gain willpower as she spoke, "us. The same pattern - _I _do something wrong, _you _always blame it on me; even though it isn't my fault. You're always making me feel bad - like something on the bottom of your shoe. I thought a relationship was... was... was where two people could love each other equally."

Silence lapsed over once again. Lavender meant to leave, but Parvati started speaking at that same time.

She laughed bitterly, and said, "Well, we're two girls, aren't we? It'll always be different for us! We're hated because of us together, and Lavender, I need an outlet for my anger!"

"That outlet doesn't have to be me - in fact, I don't think I'll be your outlet for anything else, ever again," stated Lavender, standing up and pushing her way past Parvati to the door of the other girl's flat, and clicked the door.

* * *

It had started out perfect. They had been through everything together; with the war, with different stages of their life, with Parvati's parents divorcing, with Lavender's brother in a coma. It seemed like a match made in heaven.

But like all fairytales-gone-wrong, it hadn't exactly worked out that way.

Lavender would get back from her shift at Magical Menagerie, flop onto the sofa, and sip on a cup of tea, utterly exhausted and reveling in the silence. Parvati would come back, angry, slamming doors and throwing things around and yelling, always yelling. Lavender would ask calmly if she was okay, and she would always say, "_I'm not bloody okay!" _before going off at Lavender- for not caring, for not putting her teacup in the sink, for leaving dress robes on the floor.

It had escalated until the point came where all Parvati did was yell at Lavender, who would do nothing to defend herself, which would infuriate Parvati even more.

After Padma accidentally flooed in while her twin sister was in a fit of anger and almost got yelled to deafness, Lavender decided she'd need to do something.

So she had talked to Susan.

She had spilled her whole story to her - the good, the bad, the highly embarrassing moments she'd rather forget. She had voiced her questions - why, after knowing Parvati a good bit of her life, was she acting like this? During Hogwarts, Parvati had never raised her voice, not once, but why now?

And Susan had looked at her calmly, and told her, "If you love her, you'll let her go. A relationship is an equal partnership between two people, and second of all, if you aren't happy, than clearly this isn't working out. Lavender, you have to remember that she isn't the only one out there, and you're always welcome to stay with me if you ever, ever, need anything."

* * *

It was with a starting feeling of relief that she walked out of Parvati's flat - no more yelling, no more letting Parvati push herself down.

Then the feeling of grief came over her. Who else would love her? Parvati had been the only one who had held any meaning to her, any at all, and now she was alone. Lavender couldn't be alone; she always had to be with someone. It had been like that since the day she was born.

No, this fairy tale wasn't the Muggle Cinderella. In fact, if it was anything, it was Romeo and Juliet. Because at the beginning it seems great, and then... well, yeah. Things go downhill, and with Lavender and Parvati, they seemed to go from the top of a mountain to the bottom of the sea. And the worst part was that she had no idea what she did wrong; why did Parvati pick out her every fault? Didn't she, herself, know them well enough? Every single little detail had to be fixed and prodded and complained about. She wasn't a robot, she had flaws. Wasn't Parvati supposed to love her for her flaws, not scream at her to fix them?

The gravel crunched beneath her feet as she made her way back to her own flat, cutting through the hustle of Diagon Alley. She kept her head down, wavy hair shielding her face. Lavender wasn't shedding any tears, but she guaranteed herself once she got home she'd be a crying mess.

Who would ever, ever love her again?

_Maybe,_ her inner voice chided, _you should start loving yourself first._

* * *

_Written for the Diagon Fic Crawl challenge, Madam Pimpernelle's Beautifying Potions - this is my first time writing femmeslash, so please let me know how I did. :) Word count: 1,031_


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